Buenos dias, Roosterteeth. It’s been 14 years since a group of six men from Texas wrote show that asked the big questions in life. Like, do you ever wonder why we’re here? And does that Warthog look more like a big cat to you guys? And, how funny would it be to see a group of idiots fight over some meaningless box canyon in the middle of nowhere?
Apparently, pretty funny, because Red vs Blue is still going strong. This Machinima series about a group of idiot soldiers has become the longest-running web-series in history.
I still remember my first episode. It was a crossover with ScrewAttack’s (now defunct) Death Battle (now part of Roosterteeth): Carolina vs. The Meta. And from then, I binged all 14 seasons and never looked back.
Red vs. Blue is an amazing show. It’s responsible for turning Roosterteeth into the online giant it is today. RWBY, Camp Camp, Nomad of Nowhereand Gen:Lock, none of it would exist without the success of Red vs. Blue.
While it maintains a large fan base, though, some may argue that the show is past its prime. The current story arc has been a little all over the place, even for the show. Some have taken that as a sign that maybe Roosterteeth has grown beyond their first creation. But I still think the Reds and Blues have clout, and hopefully the new season will prove it.
Before we get to that, let’s abridge the story that’s been going on for the last two seasons. Mainly so I can make sense of it.
Red vs. Blue: Shisno Paradox Abridged
After defeating an army of space pirates, capturing Hargrove, and saving the planet of Chorus, what do the Reds and Blues do next? They disappear for several months, only to resurface and start attacking UNSC bases. Most think they’re committing these acts for Chorus, which insists on remaining independent. For reporter Dylan Andrews, there’s more to this story, and she and her intern, Jax Jonez, set out to find the truth.
Andrews’ hunch was right. The Reds and Blues behind the attacks are imposters. The real Reds and Blues have been trying to take a on a moon near Chorus, but ended up falling back into their old antics. After learning about what’s going on in the galaxy, they don’t care. Not until Andrews gives them a message that seems to come from Church, the friend and AI they thought sacrificed himself on Chorus.
The group then springs into action to find the imposters and Church. All except Grif, who’s fed up with Church’s repeated returns and all their adventures. He angrily quits the team, to everyone’s sadness.
It doesn’t take them long to find the impostors. Turns out, they’re also sim troopers from Project Freelancer, and call themselves the Blues and Reds. They’re mirror copies of each of the Reds and Blues, down to their names and mannerisms, led by their version of Church, Temple. They seem friendly at first, but then reveal that they’re the Reds and Blues evil counterparts.
Years ago, one of their teammates got killed in a fight between two Freelancer Agents. Driven mad with rage, they vowed revenge on not only Project Freelancer, but the UNSC itself. They even recruited the other sim troopers to form an army, and faked the message from Church to lure the Reds and Blues out.
The heroes refuse to join the Blues and Reds, and most of them get thrown in prison, tough Lopez manages to escape. After their old enemy, Locus, finds Lopez’s robot head in space, they recruit a regretful Grif to save everyone.
Too bad Washington gets shot in the throat while trying to escape.
As for Andrews and Jonez, they learned the Blues and Reds plans with the help of the team’s old AI buddy from Blood Gulch, V.I.C. They’re gonna take a drill, and tunnel from one side of Earth to underneath the UNSC HQ and destroy it. And the drill is also powered by energy from the space-time continuum. The resulting violations of will then destroy Earth.
While Locus takes Wash to Chorus to heal him, the Reds and Blues fight their way through Temple’s army. They’re too late to stop the time drill from turning on, though. As fate would have it, it opened a window to Church during his time in Blood Gulch, and, in a heartfelt moment, Caboose got to say goodbye to his best friend.
To stop the machine from destroying the Earth, V.I.C. sacrifices himself to get rid of the machine. He wanted to die, so it doesn’t matter.
So, the Blues and Reds get sent to prison, Washington’s in recovery, and once Andrew’s piece gets published, the Reds and Blues names will be cleared. Happy ending? Not quite. Right before the machine disappeared, it zapped Donut, and that caused him to blip out time.While Carolina went to look after Washington, the Reds and Blues go on a new quest for pizza, joined by Grif’s Sister.
Then, Donut reappears and says he got thrown back to the beginning of time where he met God. God gave him these guns that open portals through time and told him that he and his friends had to save the future by “fixing the past” and defeating the “devil king”. Then they got attacked by this giant, four-armed woman that Sarge fell in love with and got separated in time.
Viewers know how heroic the Reds and Blues are and what they can do, but they’re also idiots. Giving them the ability to time-travel is like giving a baby the button to launch a nuke. And the team manages to mess with history in ways I don’t even have time to explain!
As it turns out, the person Donut thought was “God” is actually a divine entity called Chrovos, and that four-armed woman was one of the Cosmic Powers. They’re a group of godlike A.I. Chrovos created to help run the universe, but they turned on him and imprisoned him. Chrovos planted the idea for the time drill inside the Blues and Reds heads so it would give him enough power to pull Donut back in time. Then he gave Donut and the others the time guns, knowing that they’d ruin history enough for him to escape.
As for Washington, things weren’t looking good. Getting shot in the throat cut off his brain’s oxygen supply, leading him to develop brain damage. Shocked, the Reds and Blues go back to the past to stop Washington from getting shot. It would be a costly mistake.
Genkins, one of the Cosmic Powers, revealed to Grif that he was working with Chrovos. The Reds and Blues saving Washington would be the final push to break time and set Chrovos free. Donut, meanwhile, realized how dangerous Chrovos was and tried to stop him. Both of them were too late. Washington was saved, and the resulting paradox ripped time apart and caused everything to fade to white.
When everything returned to normal, the Reds and Blues were back in Blood Gulch at the start of their adventures. The only difference was they all had a feeling of deja vu. And that is where the last season ended.
So, yes, the last few seasons have been pretty out there with the crazy. I’m still on the fence about the whole thing. To be honest, I can’t help but wonder if its time for Red vs Blue to retire before it ends up like The Simpsons. This new season, Red vs. Blue: Singularity, may be what decides its future. Let’s hope they make it count.